A letter to my wife August 8, 2008
Posted by KG in Uncategorized.Tags: alternate, lifestyle, love, Relationship, Sex, swapping, Swinging
3 comments
To my best friend,
Funny how time flies. I can remember sitting in my bedroom over ten years ago typing you love letters on my computer. I’ve always been a geek and my typing skills are still way better than my embarrassingly weak chicken scratch. It’s amazing to sit back and reflect on how much our lives have changed in a single decade. Yeah I said it. Decade! Face it we’re getting old…
Every day I am grateful that I met my best and one true friend at such an early age. We may not always see eye to eye but you have always given me the freedom to grow and explore areas of myself I have never known. I understand that having a husband dive head first into a being a Vegetarian, PETA Supporting, political news junkie hasn’t been easy. I appreciate that you were always there with me making your opinions abundantly clear. You should know you are an amazing person. J and C are lucky to have a mom like you. As they grow older they will look back and be thankful that they had a mother who sacrificed her career to spend every waking moment caring for them and nurturing them. I know I don’t say it often enough but you are the love of my life and I will love you till the end of time.
I have done a lot of thinking over the last week. A lot! For one, it seems like you have been gone for a month now. I am not sure what I would do without you. Our new experiences together have also had my brain working on overdrive. One thing is for certain. I feel closer to you than I have in a long time! I don’t know what it is but immediately after our experiences, I feel this intense emotional connection with you. It feels like the nervous, excited, all consuming flood of emotions I experienced when we first stated dating but yet different. I’ve been dying to share how I’ve been feeling but we have been so busy and you’re in Boston for the week so I figured it was best to write it down.
Sex in any marriage can be a sensitive subject. I would suspect that many marriages have failed due to one or both partners being unhappy in the sex department. Some people might end up silently resenting their partner and others may resort to having affairs and leading a double life; lying to the ones they are supposed to love the most. I can say with absolute certainty that I have and never will be that person. I love you too much and would never want to hurt you. One thing that has made our relationship great is that we’ve always been open and honest with each other. I never want that to change and in fact, I want it to get better. For me, swinging has really got me in touch with how I am feeling and I think we have been more open with each other than ever. As long as we are together, I hope you know that there is nothing you should feel scared, ashamed or embarrassed to tell me. As long as you want to be with me and we talk about what we are feeling how can things ever go wrong?
Reflecting back on our new experiences, I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’ve been jealous you have been with other people before me. It was nothing that I consciously admitted to myself but I think its always made me feel like I was inferior in a way. It is extremely liberating to know that you were there with me when I had the chance to experience another woman. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders yet in a way I also feel bad. I was really upset that I couldn’t finish with Sara. In some ways it makes me feel like less of a man as stupid as that may seem. When you were kissing and holding Ron on the back row of the theatre I felt my stomach clench up in knots. I was jealous because you are so sexy and hot and I felt that you were out to get what you wanted that night. I think I was still a little unsure of what I was expecting that night. Even so, I also feel slightly bad for enjoying watching you get fucked by him. You looked so hot bent over the front row; I wanted to take you then and there.
I have read about couples who enjoy seeing their partners have their sexual fantasies filled by another person or couple. On one level it seems incredibly hot and liberating but it also just doesn’t seem natural and it certainly wasn’t how I was raised. I think part of the allure for me is that I have been doing things I never thought I would do. To be honest, if you told me a year ago that I would be going to swinger parties and getting blow jobs from chicks I wasn’t married to, I would have asked you what you were smoking. It’s also been fun to see you getting all turned on and hopefully having some of your fantasies come true. It’s definitely been a trip but sometimes I don’t know. I think I would feel better if I knew that you were turned on by seeing me with another person even if you may be consumed by jealousy at first. There are just so many things swimming through my mind I can’t focus.
Whatever comes of this I want you to know that I am more in love with you than ever before. I missed you terribly this week and I hope you had a blast in Boston. You worked so hard on everything and you really deserved to have a great time. Hopefully now we can spend more time “talking” and “Snuggling”. I love you so much.
Thanks for the advice. July 15, 2008
Posted by KG in Uncategorized.Tags: love, marriage, open, Relationship, swapper, Swappers, Swinger, Swinging
1 comment so far
I had a couple of days to digest the fact that Laura hung out with Sara and Ron at our house ALONE on Saturday night. I want to thank SwingerWife and the Issuedwife on their comments to my last post. It is always nice to get a fresh perspective on something and your comments really helped bring me focus. Anyways I am completely over it. I spent some time talking with Laura yesterday. Since I am in Maine with my Parents and Kids lacking the slightest shred of privacy I had to do most of the talking through Instant Messenger. This whole swinging experience has me in touch with a side of myself that I have never experienced. I feel so connected to Laura and in tune with her feelings. Lets face it we have been together a long time. We have practically been joined at the hip since Freshman year in college. I’ll admit It. I am guilty of not telling her how much I love her and occasionally taking her for granted. I could have asked her to share her feeling more. It’s a lot different now.
I find myself asking her how she is feeling A LOT. More than anything now I want to make sure she is happy. When we talked yesterday we simply agreed that if this was going to work we need to communicate with each other and be as open as we have ever been. I completely agree and you know what? Its refreshing. We have always been best friends and we tell each other everything but sometimes out of embarrassment or fear we hold back. No more. Most of the things I don’t tell her are about sex. How much I masterbate, what I like sexually, what kinds of porn I like, etc. I am not sure she is looking for that level of honesty but LOOK OUT cuz here it comes! We decided we would sit down when I get back from vacation and hash out the details. I can’t wait.
I’ve created a monster. July 13, 2008
Posted by KG in Uncategorized.Tags: ffm, love, open, Relationship, Sex, swapper, Swinger, swingining, threesome, wife, wife swap
5 comments
Fuck Me. I am filled with so many emotions I don’t quite know how to put them into words. Fuck comes to mind. What the fuck have I got myself into comes a close second.
I reluctantly decided to take the kids on vacation for a long weekend in Maine with my parents. A friend of the family has a nice little home bordering a beautiful national park and only miles from the beach. My family is crazy about the kids and they really wanted me to bring the kids to Maine. Personally I have a shit load of work to do but I decided I would take my thinkpad and work from the beach. I really respect the fact that my parents want to spend so much time with their grandchilden. They are crazy about them. If my dad doesn’t see the kids at least three or four times a week he gets grouchy. My mother feels the same way. When I mentioned to Laura that my parents wanted us to go away with them she immediately rejected the idea. She had committed to baby sit a friends one year old boy for the week and we have a dog so putting her in a kennel for a few days costs a small fortune.
We spent a good part of the day today driving. Traffic was horrible. All the bostonians were heading up north for a spectacular summer weekend. We didn’t arrive in Maine till almost 1:00PM. Laura called me minutes after we arrived.
“I thought you were going to call me when you got to Maine?”, she asked.
We are just pulling in now. We hit traffic but the kids have been great! I told her. What are your plans today?
Sara and Ron want me to go to the movies with them. – I was hurt
“Oh really. I kinda figured they would reach out to you”.
I lied. I really didn’t think that Sara or Ron would betray my trust like that. I flat out told Sara a few days earlier that I was uncomfortable with the idea of meeting separately. I also told Laura that the idea of meeting separately kinda freaked me out. She said something to the effect that, “We were fucking other people in front of each other. What is the difference if we are in a different room?. I makes sense but it doesnt.
“Are you mad at me? They are bringing their son. It’s not a big deal plus I am all by myself and I am bored” she replied.
“I am not mad. You can go if you want”. She knew just how to diffuse my anger.
We said our goodbyes. We told each other that we love each other and at this point I was okay that she was going out with friends. I mean they had their kid with them so it wasn’t a big deal right?
Maine sucks. We tried to go to the beach but there was no parking and we were starving. We ending up driving around for an hour and ate at this shitty little pub / pizza shop. After lunch we went grocery shopping and headed back to the house. For dinner we drove around for another hour. We scarfed down a few lobster rolls with way too much bread and way too little mayo or seasoning and went to play mini golf with the kids. When we got back to the house and got the kids settled it was almost dark. I started a nice little fire in the pit in the backyard and called Laura to see how the movie was. She answered the phone and I could hear people in the background. A surge of jealousy flashed through my body. I could feel my ears getting red and my stomach was in knots.
“Sara and Ron are here with me. I wanted to show them the house and the home theater. Are you mad at me?”, she said cautiously.
I was mad at her. Really mad. I could barely speak and had to struggle to keep my composure and keep a civil conversation. I told her I was cool and that I trusted her. We said I love you and I told her I would tallk to her later. I spent most of the night outside by myself by the fire. I smoked a cigar and had a couple of Bud Lights and tried to reflect on how I felt about her with our new swinger friends ALONE at our house. My mind was blank. I couldn’t think. I smoked my Cigar and figured I would IM her a little later tonight when, hopefully the guest were gone.
Well. I did IM her at almost ten o’clock and this is what happened…….
Laura: Hey baby wanna fuck
KinkyGeek: lmao
KinkyGeek: nice
Laura: Who do you think this is?
KinkyGeek: no clue
Laura: Take a guess.
KinkyGeek: hmmmmmmm maybe my wife?
Laura: Um, no.
KinkyGeek: Sara?
Laura: Very good. you get a cookie.
Laura: Or anything else you want.
KinkyGeek: lol. What did you move in?
Laura: PS I’m drunk.
KinkyGeek: I am not
Laura: yeah, Ron says we’re waiting for you to get home.
Laura: Laura says to be sure to let you know that nothing’s going on.
Laura: You aren’t really mad are you? I heard her on the phone with you and I don’t want you to be mad.
KinkyGeek: um kay….gonna have to wait till wednesday
Laura: Nothings going on except a lot of drinking and chatting.
KinkyGeek: thats cool. I am sure you and I will chat when she is in Boston
Laura: Oh yea. Let’s CHAT. ” “
KinkyGeek: oh we will
Laura: Chat *in person* you mean?
KinkyGeek: oh yes
Laura: Laura says we’ll take you to the movies.
Laura: Gotta a web cam?
KinkyGeek: so. I dont wanna see everyone sloppy drunk & NAKED while my parents are around
Laura: Aww.
Laura: You have a ncie house, btw.
KinkyGeek: spanks
Laura: We’re not naked btw. Unless you want us to be.
Laura: We could be naked, though
Laura: errr
Laura: shit
Laura: i’m drunk.
Laura: Forgive me.
KinkyGeek: ooooh I am sure you could but then I would be jealous
Laura: Don’t be jealous ’cause really we
Laura: WANT” Y”OU” HERE
Laura: Laura says she hopes you trust her enough to know she’s not doing anything
Laura: you konw, unless you want her to be.,…..
KinkyGeek: I do trust her…I just didnt wanna miss out on the fun
Laura: Does that mean we can do stuff to her and then catch you up later?
KinkyGeek: lol
KinkyGeek: I gotta go….rents are coming down to watch tv with me
Laura: oh dear
Laura: don’t leave us!
KinkyGeek: catch up on ya later
Laura: Ok, have fun.
KinkyGeek: you too
I really need some advice here. I know a few people read this blog and a perhaps a few seasoned swingers. What should I make of this while situation? I am fucking lost. I am so jealous. I don’t know that I actually trust Laura 100% especially when she has a few drinks in her. I will keep everyone posted… Not sure how I am going to sleep tonight.
