KinkyGeek

To my best friend,

Funny how time flies. I can remember sitting in my bedroom over ten years ago typing you love letters on my computer. I’ve always been a geek and my typing skills are still way better than my embarrassingly weak chicken scratch. It’s amazing to sit back and reflect on how much our lives have changed in a single decade. Yeah I said it. Decade! Face it we’re getting old…

Every day I am grateful that I met my best and one true friend at such an early age. We may not always see eye to eye but you have always given me the freedom to grow and explore areas of myself I have never known. I understand that having a husband dive head first into a being a Vegetarian, PETA Supporting, political news junkie hasn’t been easy. I appreciate that you were always there with me making your opinions abundantly clear. You should know you are an amazing person. J and C are lucky to have a mom like you. As they grow older they will look back and be thankful that they had a mother who sacrificed her career to spend every waking moment caring for them and nurturing them. I know I don’t say it often enough but you are the love of my life and I will love you till the end of time.

I have done a lot of thinking over the last week. A lot! For one, it seems like you have been gone for a month now. I am not sure what I would do without you. Our new experiences together have also had my brain working on overdrive. One thing is for certain. I feel closer to you than I have in a long time! I don’t know what it is but immediately after our experiences, I feel this intense emotional connection with you. It feels like the nervous, excited, all consuming flood of emotions I experienced when we first stated dating but yet different. I’ve been dying to share how I’ve been feeling but we have been so busy and you’re in Boston for the week so I figured it was best to write it down.

Sex in any marriage can be a sensitive subject. I would suspect that many marriages have failed due to one or both partners being unhappy in the sex department. Some people might end up silently resenting their partner and others may resort to having affairs and leading a double life; lying to the ones they are supposed to love the most. I can say with absolute certainty that I have and never will be that person. I love you too much and would never want to hurt you. One thing that has made our relationship great is that we’ve always been open and honest with each other. I never want that to change and in fact, I want it to get better. For me, swinging has really got me in touch with how I am feeling and I think we have been more open with each other than ever. As long as we are together, I hope you know that there is nothing you should feel scared, ashamed or embarrassed to tell me. As long as you want to be with me and we talk about what we are feeling how can things ever go wrong?

Reflecting back on our new experiences, I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’ve been jealous you have been with other people before me. It was nothing that I consciously admitted to myself but I think its always made me feel like I was inferior in a way. It is extremely liberating to know that you were there with me when I had the chance to experience another woman. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders yet in a way I also feel bad. I was really upset that I couldn’t finish with Sara. In some ways it makes me feel like less of a man as stupid as that may seem. When you were kissing and holding Ron on the back row of the theatre I felt my stomach clench up in knots. I was jealous because you are so sexy and hot and I felt that you were out to get what you wanted that night. I think I was still a little unsure of what I was expecting that night. Even so, I also feel slightly bad for enjoying watching you get fucked by him. You looked so hot bent over the front row; I wanted to take you then and there.

I have read about couples who enjoy seeing their partners have their sexual fantasies filled by another person or couple. On one level it seems incredibly hot and liberating but it also just doesn’t seem natural and it certainly wasn’t how I was raised. I think part of the allure for me is that I have been doing things I never thought I would do. To be honest, if you told me a year ago that I would be going to swinger parties and getting blow jobs from chicks I wasn’t married to, I would have asked you what you were smoking. It’s also been fun to see you getting all turned on and hopefully having some of your fantasies come true. It’s definitely been a trip but sometimes I don’t know. I think I would feel better if I knew that you were turned on by seeing me with another person even if you may be consumed by jealousy at first. There are just so many things swimming through my mind I can’t focus.

Whatever comes of this I want you to know that I am more in love with you than ever before. I missed you terribly this week and I hope you had a blast in Boston. You worked so hard on everything and you really deserved to have a great time. Hopefully now we can spend more time “talking” and “Snuggling”. I love you so much.