The Rules….For now. July 18, 2008
Posted by KG in Uncategorized.Tags: Dirty Wife, ffm, mmf, open marriage, oral sex, orgy, Relationship, Sex, sex position, sex positions, swapper, swing, Swinger, swingers, threesome
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Last night Laura and I finally had a chance to talk. We made plans to host Sara and Ron at out house on Sunday night and I still wanted to get a few things off my chest from this weekend. I thought it would be a good time to discuss what I perceive as the rules of our playtime. I borrowed a lot of these from Swingerwife but I would imagine most of them are pretty standard in the swinging world.
1) Both of us have absolute veto power over who we play with. If one of us is not attracted to the couple in question, or we feel that there is no chemistry, then we don’t play with them. Period.
2) Either one of us has the right to “pull the plug” at any time, for any reason. Even if one (or both) of us is in the middle of playing; if the other says stop, we stop, end of story. For that matter, if one of us no longer wants to see a couple that we have played with, then its over.
Apparently Laura doesn’t get this one. She asked what happens if she is mid sex with another person and she wanted to know why she should stop. Sometimes she really amazes me. Ultimately she ended up agreeing with this one.
3) No means no. This is the be-all, end-all rule in all swinging situations. No pressure, no forced anything, ever.
4) We do not compare our playmates to each other. This is hurtful and not necessary. The whole point of swinging is so that we can experience and enjoy other partners who will have different ways of doing things in bed.
We both agree that sometimes it’s fun to discuss what the other partner was doing and what we liked and what we disliked. I don’t think this is a hard and fast rule but obviously other peoples feelings are involved here so a little tact and sensitivity is in order.
5) Open and honest communication is an absolute must at all times. It is the only way that this sort of thing works.
6) In play itself, anything pretty much goes as long as our partners are comfortable with it.
7) We will not play without our partner present. Laura and I would both prefer that the people we play with be our friends. We are not talking about becoming BFF’s but it is certainly important to click outside of the bedroom. A casual night out for dinner and drinks can be great foreplay. If you have been reading my Blog you know that Laura met with Sara and Ron this past weekend while I was away. I was a little uneasy about it. I decided that play would be defined as kissing, touching, oral, or any other intercourse.
“Ahhh I can’t even kiss?”, Laura sighed after reading the rules.
“Hell no! How would you feel if I was kissing another chick while you were away? I KNOW you wouldn’t be happy.”, I said.
Okay. Fine. What else can’t I do?
What do you want to do?”, I said half laughing half shocked that she was so into this.
Are Web Cams off limits?”, She replied
Uhhhhhh no I guess web cams are cool. Why? Do you have something to tell me?
I ahhh well I like to watch guys on web cams.
What What What? Since when?
Well you can watch them on SwapperNET.
Serious? No Shit…So have you?
“I watched Ron today.” , Laura said softly.
It’s cool. It on the acceptable list!
7) Respect and honor all rules that the couples that we play with have with each other.
Safe sex ALWAYS! Condoms are used at all times. We are both
9) We will only have sex with our partner in the same room.
I told Laura I could possibly be persuaded to break this rule depending on the situation but for now I would feel more comfortable with her in the room.
Okay. I am relieved. We both agreed on the rules. Some people <Cough> Laura <Cough> were more reluctant than others. I tried to get her to sign her initials next to each rule (joking) but I was told that “Rules were meant to be Broken”. After we discussed the rules we had some amazing sex. I am a little nervous about Sunday but….I can’t wait!
KG, the rule about not comparing each other to our partners was originally meant to keep us from saying potentially hurtful things like “Well, she gives better head than you do!”..or things along those lines. Now, when it comes to sharing the details of our encounters, hell yeah! We tell each other everything we experience.
We cam with Don and Rita on occasion. Its fun and can be a hot way to initiate some sex with each other!
The friends thing…well, that is totally us as well. We sure didn’t start out with that being our intentions but there you go! We don’t just swing with Don and Rita, we do actually interact socially with each other as well.
We have done both separate room and same room swapping. It is all a matter of your own comfort level.
Here’s one that you might consider:
If either one of you is asked to do something that you have never done before, you need to check with your spouse before going through with it. I am planning on blogging about this, but a certain situation came up awhile back with the couple we play with. She and my husband engaged in some play that involved video cameras and it ended up angering her husband. Not the the fact that it was recorded, but the fact that she didn’t ask him first if it was okay.
It all has a learning curve!
I’m glad you two got it all ironed out! Now you should be able to continue on without being worried!
Question: Why all this talking-around-the-point? Seems swinger-language involves dozends of words for sex but not really the word sex. Maybe its not just swingers, it seems that americans are generally like that. If i have sex i say ” i have sex” and not ” i played”, ” i did it” or whatever else. *sigh* will take me years to understand everything here i guess . *shakesheadandputsitonlistofthingsthataredifferentbetweeneuropeandus*
But its great that you and your wife talked about it. So what kind of szenerio would you stop? Would it be about the person your wife has sex with or the way she has sex ?
Talking about what makes you (un)comfortable and establishing limits will help keep the conflicts down. I would recommend that you have some code words for certain situations so that you don’t start down a path you have covered above. For example, if one of us isn’t interested in the other part of the couple we would say something like, “We need to stop on the way home to get some ice-cream.” “Ice-cream” is out code word for “we need to get the hell outta here.”
And one more thing, (this may not work for you) if something happens that the other partner disagrees with, we save it for the next morning. We talk about it like adults and try to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Hey, where have you been? Its been awhile since your last post, so just checking in. Be sure to come back and update us soon!