I’ve created a monster. July 13, 2008
Posted by KG in Uncategorized.Tags: ffm, love, open, Relationship, Sex, swapper, Swinger, swingining, threesome, wife, wife swap
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Fuck Me. I am filled with so many emotions I don’t quite know how to put them into words. Fuck comes to mind. What the fuck have I got myself into comes a close second.
I reluctantly decided to take the kids on vacation for a long weekend in Maine with my parents. A friend of the family has a nice little home bordering a beautiful national park and only miles from the beach. My family is crazy about the kids and they really wanted me to bring the kids to Maine. Personally I have a shit load of work to do but I decided I would take my thinkpad and work from the beach. I really respect the fact that my parents want to spend so much time with their grandchilden. They are crazy about them. If my dad doesn’t see the kids at least three or four times a week he gets grouchy. My mother feels the same way. When I mentioned to Laura that my parents wanted us to go away with them she immediately rejected the idea. She had committed to baby sit a friends one year old boy for the week and we have a dog so putting her in a kennel for a few days costs a small fortune.
We spent a good part of the day today driving. Traffic was horrible. All the bostonians were heading up north for a spectacular summer weekend. We didn’t arrive in Maine till almost 1:00PM. Laura called me minutes after we arrived.
“I thought you were going to call me when you got to Maine?”, she asked.
We are just pulling in now. We hit traffic but the kids have been great! I told her. What are your plans today?
Sara and Ron want me to go to the movies with them. – I was hurt
“Oh really. I kinda figured they would reach out to you”.
I lied. I really didn’t think that Sara or Ron would betray my trust like that. I flat out told Sara a few days earlier that I was uncomfortable with the idea of meeting separately. I also told Laura that the idea of meeting separately kinda freaked me out. She said something to the effect that, “We were fucking other people in front of each other. What is the difference if we are in a different room?. I makes sense but it doesnt.
“Are you mad at me? They are bringing their son. It’s not a big deal plus I am all by myself and I am bored” she replied.
“I am not mad. You can go if you want”. She knew just how to diffuse my anger.
We said our goodbyes. We told each other that we love each other and at this point I was okay that she was going out with friends. I mean they had their kid with them so it wasn’t a big deal right?
Maine sucks. We tried to go to the beach but there was no parking and we were starving. We ending up driving around for an hour and ate at this shitty little pub / pizza shop. After lunch we went grocery shopping and headed back to the house. For dinner we drove around for another hour. We scarfed down a few lobster rolls with way too much bread and way too little mayo or seasoning and went to play mini golf with the kids. When we got back to the house and got the kids settled it was almost dark. I started a nice little fire in the pit in the backyard and called Laura to see how the movie was. She answered the phone and I could hear people in the background. A surge of jealousy flashed through my body. I could feel my ears getting red and my stomach was in knots.
“Sara and Ron are here with me. I wanted to show them the house and the home theater. Are you mad at me?”, she said cautiously.
I was mad at her. Really mad. I could barely speak and had to struggle to keep my composure and keep a civil conversation. I told her I was cool and that I trusted her. We said I love you and I told her I would tallk to her later. I spent most of the night outside by myself by the fire. I smoked a cigar and had a couple of Bud Lights and tried to reflect on how I felt about her with our new swinger friends ALONE at our house. My mind was blank. I couldn’t think. I smoked my Cigar and figured I would IM her a little later tonight when, hopefully the guest were gone.
Well. I did IM her at almost ten o’clock and this is what happened…….
Laura: Hey baby wanna fuck
KinkyGeek: lmao
KinkyGeek: nice
Laura: Who do you think this is?
KinkyGeek: no clue
Laura: Take a guess.
KinkyGeek: hmmmmmmm maybe my wife?
Laura: Um, no.
KinkyGeek: Sara?
Laura: Very good. you get a cookie.
Laura: Or anything else you want.
KinkyGeek: lol. What did you move in?
Laura: PS I’m drunk.
KinkyGeek: I am not
Laura: yeah, Ron says we’re waiting for you to get home.
Laura: Laura says to be sure to let you know that nothing’s going on.
Laura: You aren’t really mad are you? I heard her on the phone with you and I don’t want you to be mad.
KinkyGeek: um kay….gonna have to wait till wednesday
Laura: Nothings going on except a lot of drinking and chatting.
KinkyGeek: thats cool. I am sure you and I will chat when she is in Boston
Laura: Oh yea. Let’s CHAT. ” “
KinkyGeek: oh we will
Laura: Chat *in person* you mean?
KinkyGeek: oh yes
Laura: Laura says we’ll take you to the movies.
Laura: Gotta a web cam?
KinkyGeek: so. I dont wanna see everyone sloppy drunk & NAKED while my parents are around
Laura: Aww.
Laura: You have a ncie house, btw.
KinkyGeek: spanks
Laura: We’re not naked btw. Unless you want us to be.
Laura: We could be naked, though
Laura: errr
Laura: shit
Laura: i’m drunk.
Laura: Forgive me.
KinkyGeek: ooooh I am sure you could but then I would be jealous
Laura: Don’t be jealous ’cause really we
Laura: WANT” Y”OU” HERE
Laura: Laura says she hopes you trust her enough to know she’s not doing anything
Laura: you konw, unless you want her to be.,…..
KinkyGeek: I do trust her…I just didnt wanna miss out on the fun
Laura: Does that mean we can do stuff to her and then catch you up later?
KinkyGeek: lol
KinkyGeek: I gotta go….rents are coming down to watch tv with me
Laura: oh dear
Laura: don’t leave us!
KinkyGeek: catch up on ya later
Laura: Ok, have fun.
KinkyGeek: you too
I really need some advice here. I know a few people read this blog and a perhaps a few seasoned swingers. What should I make of this while situation? I am fucking lost. I am so jealous. I don’t know that I actually trust Laura 100% especially when she has a few drinks in her. I will keep everyone posted… Not sure how I am going to sleep tonight.
mmmmmh, honestly….could it be you have a problem when it comes to you not controlling your enviroment? I have to take your wifes side in this….whats the difference between you being there and she does it with them and you not being there? you crossed the line, yes you created this and that now the consequence…….its not like you dont know the other couple, she is not really doing it behind your back ( and the kind of conversations ou have with your co-worker…well I their not innocent either…
KG..it sounds to me like its time for you and your wife to sit down and iron out ‘THE RULES’, if you haven’t already, and it sounds to me like you haven’t. That is not good. In order for a relationship that involves swinging to really work, you must set rules and boundaries regarding the swinging. If you don’t, then you end up in situations like this. From my point of view, I am gathering that you both went into this willingly, but perhaps not with your eyes wide open. Keep in mind that what works with other couples as far as how they swing may not work for you. In any case, any couple that you are playing with needs to be aware of your rules (once you set them, that is) and respect them totally, without question, even if its not what they want. YOU aren’t comfortable with separate rooms and with either of you seeing a couple separately, so that needs to be an established rule. Until you and your wife iron these rules out, its not fair of you to be angry with your wife. You are both learning your way through this. Be sure to do it TOGETHER, or all is lost. Communication is not just key, it is an absolute must in a situation like this.
Sorry, I meant to add this to my last comment and didn’t. Did you read my blog post concerning this very subject? It might be helpful to you! http://swingerwife.wordpress.com/2008/06/17/the-rules-as-we-see-them/
Yikes, I can see why you’d be hurt by that. It seems like you and your wife have different ideas about this whole thing. I hope you can iron them out. Seems like she’s ready for a lot more than you are.
I’m not a swinger but the lifestyle sounds enticing.
I totally get where you are coming from. I think there is a big difference among screwing or playing with people together, in separate rooms and more so in separate states. For me, watching would be enough of a turn on to make it possible to not feel jealosy.
We’d see extra partners as a way to add twists to our sexuality together. Other living sex toys, if you will. It also sounds like your wife is not only looking for sex with others but a complete relationship with them, even in separation from you.
I understand the rush of a new fuck partner, but limits are not unreasonable. The fact that you are hurt should be important to your wife. A lot more openness about your expectations is key to making this work. I don’t know if either of you are being completely honest about where your relationship is going. If you are unwilling to draw a line, then prepare to continually take emotional damage.
My husband and I often fantasize about this kind of thing but we’re unlikely to try it as we don’t want to screw up a very good thing. Other people joining us, especially more than once would definitely offer too much opportunity for excess emotional baggage.
Best of luck.